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03 July 2005 @ 07:04 pm
The further they fall...  
[Characters: Nao, Miyavi]

Nao knocked open the jammed door to the hospital with a bit of trepidation...what if it was hell...He stepped back, looking at Miyavi nervously. "Will you go in first? Just to see how it is in there?"

Miyavi didn’t need to be told twice. He was so close, he knew it... He went in through the door way. Some of the florescent lights were still working...casting an eerie glow over the walls. Then he heard it, another demon nurse coming out from the shadows. Miyavi raised his baseball bat whacking it hard around the head to dispatch it. With the hard blow it fell to the floor and he finished it off before he was caught off guard by another one. He shrieked angrily as he batted it off him. He knocked it to the ground and stamped on it’s head breathing heavily. He listened for any other sounds...but there were none. “It’s ok Nao...” He said taking out a medical kit from his pocket, and bandaging a deep scratch on his hand roughly.

Nao saw what was going on, and tried to help, but with Miyavi swinging the bat so wildly, he couldn't get a shot. When he calmed, Nao came in front of him to help with the bandage. "Hey...be more careful, yeah?"

“It’s alright...” Miyavi said tensely pulling his hand away. He’d been getting more and more quiet as they neared the hospital... As expected, there was no emergency medical center for survivors of what ever had transpired in Silent Hill. Miyavi looked up and down the corridor. “Wait here ok...I’m going to go see if I can find anything useful...” He needed to get away from Nao for a while...

Nao shook his head adamantly. "Don't be ridiculous. We both know it isn't safe. I'll go with you..."

“But I know the hospital...I can be quicker...” Miyavi tried to convince Nao...

Nao reached for his wrist. He had to be honest now. "Meev..it's not for your protection. It's for mine. I don't want to be alone, okay?"

Miyavi felt a pang of guilt and eventually nodded. “Alright...” he said and without further word started making his way around the shadowy corridor’s of the hospital. He found Dr Kaufman’s office and without explanation checked the handle. It was unlocked... “I’m just going to check in here...stay out here and keep a look out for me ok? I’m just in here so I can come out if you yell for me...”

Somehting was up. Nao could feel it. He looked to the door, then to Miyavi. He decided to give him a chance...just in case.."Meev. What are you trying to hide from me?" He'd been trying to get rid of him since they got here.

“Nothing Nao...” Miyavi weakly assured the other man before disappearing into the office, shutting the door behind him. 20 minutes passed, and Nao would have been able to hear noises from the office, like someone was turning it upside down....

Nao waited outside, pacing the floor. HE was determined not to pry in on Miyavi's life. If he wanted him out of something, then fine. He'd stay out of it. Unfortunately, staying out of it soon became impossible. Nao's ears perked when he heard a low, loud dull scraping sound. Confused, he edged out toward the hall, and looked down it. Coming toward him, was...something...big...with a head shaped like.....Ohgod. He ran back, and flung open the door to the office, turning to lock it immediately, and without even looking at Miyavi, grabbed the chair, and wedged it under the doorknob. "It's here..."

Miyavi had pulled all the books from the book shelf, had every draw and cubord open and was now pulling the furniture away from the walls. He looked agitated to say the least. “What’s here?”

Nao turned with his eyes wide, taking in the disaster that Miyavi had made of the office. "The monster...with the sword..." He whispered, shaking visibly. The door handle jiggled, and he jumped back. It shook for a moment...then nothing. Nao swallowed.

Miyavi watched the handle shake then go quiet again. Just some monster... He had more important things to be thinking about. There had to be some in here, he knew Dr Kaufman kept it in here...He gave another pull at the cubord filled with medical supplies and instruments and it came away from the wall. And there it was...a hole in the wall...and in it, glass bottles filled with a clear white substance... White Claudia in it’s purest form.

Nao winced at the noise. "Miyavi!" He hissed. "What the fuck are you doing? It might still be out there..." He stepped away from the door, stumbling on an overturned trashcan. His eyes lifted to the cabinet. "What's that? Is that what you were looking for?"

Miyavi dropped to his knees and could have cried when he saw those bottles. Carefully he fished out the 3 bottles, holding them to his chest. God he needed to use some now... “Yes...” he said tensely.

Nao crawled over to him. "What is it? Is something wrong? Are you sick?" He wondered if it was medicine, perhaps.

“Yes...” Miyavi replied thinking that would be the simplest answer. He set the bottles down on the desk, fishing out a hypodermic syringe and cuff used when drawing blood from the supply cabinet. He sat down on the desk and started to fill the syringe with the clear liquid.

It wasn't until then that Nao figured out what was going on. The missing money, the way Miyavi acted certain nights, the reason he pawned everything. Nao snatched the bottle from his hand before he could finish filling it. "Fuck, Meev...this is Claudia, isn't it?!"

Miyavi looked pissed off to say the least. “Give it back.” He demanded.

Nao gripped the bottle hard, and grabbed the other two as well. "God, Meev...THIS is what you've been taking my money for?!!" He felt sick, and his stomach turned as he looked at the milky liquid.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Miyavi said standing up, not daring to let Nao anywhere near the hypodermic in his hand...it would be enough for a small dose at least... But he needed the rest for later. What the hell was he going to do later???

"I'm fucking giving you your life back, is what I'm doing!" He looked at the needle warily. "Don't you dare inject that! I can't get us out of here if I have to look after you and kill everything that comes our way."

“Try and stop me...and you’ll regret it.” Miyavi said viciously as he rolled up his sleeve and snatched the tie from the desk. He pulled it tight over his bicep and backed away from Nao as he tried to find a useable vein on his bruised track marked inside forearm.

Nao's expression went dead as he leaned against the wall. His eyes didn't move from Miyavi. "Please..." was all he said, as he stuffed the bottles into his pocket.

Miyavi shook his head as he slid down the wall. How the hell would he be able to cope now without this? His finger found the vein and he slid the needle into it. The drug now in his system, he felt relaxed...unconcerned with the town over run with gory monsters...or that he’d upset Nao...

Tears that refused to fall stung Nao's eyes. He felt...betrayed. There was no other word for it. He looked down at Miyavi on the floor as though he'd stabbed him with the needle, instead of putting it in his own arm, and approached him slowly. "How long?" He asked, crouching down in front of him.

Miyavi slowly opened his eyes, and pulled the needle out throwing it away across the room. “3 years...” He said with a long sigh.

Nao took his arm, and turned it over. He saw them then...the track lines, and bruises. He was sure the other would look the same if he looked. He didn't want to. He felt...numb. He didn't know how he'd possibly been so blind. "Why?"

“Dr Kaufman gave some to me....said it would help with the stress of work...” Miyavi nodded to himself...yes, he guessed it had...

Nao didn't have time to let himself become emotional. "How long until the effects wear off?" He said in a low deadpan. He stood, and searched the mess until he found what he was looking for. He returned with the band-aid, putting it over Miyavi's new bruise with clinical efficiency.

“With just that little bit...but it was pure so a few hours I suppose...” Miyavi could feel like he wasn’t totally out of it, maybe it was the emotion of the situation dampening the feeling. He knew underneath the chemical high he felt so bad and disappointed with himself for letting Nao find out...

God...hours...Nao didn't know if this place would be safe for hours. His hand grazed over the bottles in his pocket. He'd destroy them as soon as possible. "We have to go. That...thing is wandering around here."

“Sure...” Miyavi said a bit apathetically, pulling himself up to stand. Before he took a step he looked as if he was listening to something. “Oh...I can hear him...he’s going to execute us all for our crimes...” He said softly.

Miyavi's faroff voice chilled Nao to the core. He moved to the door to pull away the chair. If that thing was waiting...they'd have to run. He grabbed his pipe, and took Miyavi's wrist. "We're going to go hide." He told him. "Where is the safest place?"

“It doesn’t matter...he’ll find us...” Miyavi said listening carefully to what was being whispered to him. “Yes your right...” He said suddenly not looking at Nao. “I need to die...”

Nao gripped his wrist harder. "You're not going to die." Nao couldn't allow that. Not even..the way he felt about Miyavi now. He cautiously opened the door of the office.

Miyavi apathetically let himself be dragged along by Nao. It didn’t matter where they ran, they’d be found eventually, it was only delaying the inevitable. They’d already committed their crimes...

They ended up in one of the intensive care rooms, with tiny windows. Nao pulled them inside, and nudged Miyavi toward the bed as he locked the double doors tightly, sliding his pipe in the handles to add a firm hold on them. He say in a seat in the corner of the room. "All this time..." He was still in shock.

“What?” Miyavi asked looking around the room. It was far bloodier than it should have been...he noticed a something lumpy covered by a bloody sheet on one of the beds on the opposite side of the room. It didn’t disturb him as much as it would have normally...it almost seemed...natural...

"All this time...I thought I knew you." Nao sighed dejectedly. Meev was his best friend!! Why hadn't he seen this. It was all his fault..if he'd been paying attention, he might have stopped it when it started...

“I know...” Miyavi said turning back to Nao and sliding down onto the floor next to Nao. He rested his head on the other man’s lap stroking his hand gently. “I’ve been leading a double life...”

Nao grit his teeth until his jaw could be seen moving with his mouth closed. "You've been lying to me..." How much of this habit had he funded? What had he turned himself into, helping this along? He hated who he was now. He pulled his hand away from Miyavi's.

“I’ve been lieing to everyone...” Miyavi reached pathetically for Nao’s hand, “Please...we might not have much time left...”

Nao stood, spilling Miyavi from his lap. "I don't even know who you are. I'd rather spend my last days alone than with a stranger." He couldn't even sleep with Miyavi like this. He had to be vigilant. He sat on the bed anyway, kicking off his shoes to pull his feet onto the bed.

Miyavi got up and followed Nao to the bed. “I’m still Miyavi...” he insisted gently, trying to shake the sluggishness away from his mind.

Nao didn't look at his eyes. He focused instead on his shoulder. "You're just a pitiful imitation. You're a parasite on what used to be someone wonderful."

Miyavi furrowed his brow, and shook his head. “No...I’m Miyavi...just Miyavi. Some bits good...some bad...” he said holding his head.

Nao scowled at him, and pulled out one of the bottles. "You don't even know what you are! How much is you, and how much is this?!" He hurled the glass bottle at the wall, where it shattered, dripping the white fluid into the drains in the corner of the room.

Miyavi tried to grab Nao’s wrists. “Nao, no stop this, don’t...” he said panicked, if that white Claudia was wasted...he’d have nothing.

"Is that all you're worried about?? Your Claudia??!" Nao wrenched his hand from Miyavi's, and hurled the second bottle against the wall too, where it shattered just as the first one had. There was only one left, in his pocket...but he wouldn't destroy that....not yet. It was the only thing Miyavi loved...and the only thing Nao had that he wanted. He wondered if Miyavi would have even been his friend if he'd not been so generous with his...and other people's money. He'd destroyed his integrity to help Miyavi.

“Please...” Miyavi begged sliding down onto his knees, clutching onto the bottom of Nao’s jacket. “Please don’t do this to me...please you’re my friend...”

Nao's voice broke as his shoulders shook a bit. "I'm not your friend...I'm just a convenient way to score twenty bucks for another hit."

“No no...never...I never wanted to use you like that...” Miyavi insist, close to tears. What had he done.

Nao closed his eyes as he leaned back on the bed again. "It doesn't matter. We'll both be dead soon enough." Hot tears ran course down his face that he didn't bother to wipe away.

Miyavi stood up, clutching onto Nao desperately. The tears were falling down his face as well now. “Please...I still love you...”

Nao's eyes opened a bit, glossed and reddening. He withdrew a small breath. "W-what?" He looked hopeful, but then he sighed. "How can I know you even mean that?" Miyavi had never said that sort of thing to him when he was thinking clearly.

“Because it’s the truth...” Miyavi said reaching up to touch Nao’s face, to touch the wet skin of his cheek.

"I wish.." Nao said, placing his hand over Miyavi's. "More than anything right now, that I could really believe that. I've loved you for so long..." But the person he loved could be half manufactured in a lab, for all he knew. He might not even exist.

Miyavi openly wept as he clutched at Nao’s hand. “I never wanted to hurt you...I just couldn’t stop...” He said tearing his hands and falling back against the wall. “I’m going to pay for my crimes...” He said lowly, heading towards the locked doors.

Nao saw where he was heading. For a terrible moment, he considered letting him go, and then he thought back to how much he'd wanted him to be with him...even just to have him as a friend..and he couldn't do it. "No!" He rose from the bed quickly, and grabbed Miyavi around the arms, pulling him against him from behind. "You're not leaving this room until you can say 'I love you' with honest, aware eyes. I can't let you go until I've heard it."

Miyavi tried to pull away, edging towards hysteria. “It’s too late for words, it’s all too late...” About 3 years too late. Hot tears flowed from his eyes and dripped onto the floor.

Nao sank to the floor, taking Miyavi slowly with him. He held him tightly, afraid now of letting him go, and losing him forever. Nao buried his face in Miyavi's hair. "I love you..." He said in a muffled whisper. "Don't make that something unfamiliar to me too."

“I just...” Miyavi struggled weakly on his knees. “I just can’t put anything right...” He sobbed quietly, hunching over.

Nao didn't ease up on his grip. "Can't you try? You won't be alone, Miyavi..."

“What does it matter now...we’re already in hell...” Miyavi cried into his hands, if he hadn’t been held so tightly by Nao he would have crumpled to the floor.

"This isn't hell..." Nao said bitterly. "I've seen Hell. This is purgatory, and this is where it's up for us to decide where we go from here." That was it...he was never committing his sins again...no matter how tempting.

“It’s only a matter of time...he’s looking for all of us....” Miyavi gasped out, they were all doomed for eternal torment.

Strands of Miyavi's hair clung to Nao's face, wet with his tears. "We can find a way to beat him. We can get out of here alive. We have to, Meev."

“Then what? The Claudia...it’s not that easy...just stopping...” Miyavi had tried...but it was too unbearable, it was either take Claudia or die...

Nao's hand brushed over the one bottle left in his pocket. "There's still some left...enough to bring you off it." Pure, the bottle probably had enough doses to fight the withdrawals before they became crippling.

“...I can’t do it...I need it.” Miyavi said closing his eyes tight. He could barely remember a life without White Claudia.

"You will do it." Nao gripped him firmly, hauling him to his feet. "You're not being given a choice."

Miyavi didn’t have the will to even stand straight, he held onto Nao overwise he would have fallen. “You don’t understand...”

Nao supported him enough to dump him on the bed. "No? Then tell me."

“It’s...” How could he put this into words? “It’s like nothing else...I dabbled in other drugs before I came here, but the White Claudia...” Miyavi looked to the bottle in Nao’s pocket...he wanted more now, a bigger dose...maybe large enough to...

Nao saw where his eyes were heaving, and jerked his face to meet his. "Don't think I won't smash the last one." He warned. His expression wavered a bit, and he was cradling Miyavi's face in his hand. "Does it mean more to you than I do?"

Miyavi looked away guiltily. He loved Nao but...White Claudia was something else. He couldn’t give Nao the answer he wanted...

Nao pulled the bottle from his pocket, and put it into Miyavi's hand. "Get out."

Miyavi stared at the bottle in his hand, then to Nao. “Please...don’t push me away...” he said clutching the glass bottle, he couldn’t let it go.

Why not?" Nao said, with hot tracks streaking down his face again. "You don't really care about me. You won't even try to help yourself." If he was going to survive this place, he couldn't do it worrying about someone who didn't care. About someone who would chose a chemical over him.

“Because I do care about you...” Miyavi said reaching for Nao’s face, wiping away at some of them. His face was wet as well.

Nao pulled his face back, out of Miyavi's hands. "Then come find me...when you can give up that bottle. When you're willing to find help. Until then, you're just a liability." He turned, and went to the door, yanking the pipe from its place between then handles. He unlocked it, and a moment later, he was gone.